Sunshine

When I was younger I thought the dots you see when you close your eyes after looking at the sun had meaning. Of course grown ups told me that if you look directly at the sun you will go blind, which is true, but I now know I was not in immediate danger. When I would accidentally look right at the sun then close my eyes, I would see these dots that had rings, almost like tree rings. I am not sure if anyone else saw them in that exact form, but I used to think that the rings were my countdown to blindness. Each time I looked at the sun, one ring would be taken away, and I would be that much closer to being blind. Thinking about it as a adult it seems ridiculous, which is why I wanted to write it down. It turns out that my theory is not true, but I just had to be able to grasp an explanation as a child. I was like that about most things, but this is the specific memory that stuck out at the moment.

Volleyball

Tonight my husband went to play volleyball at his friend's house after work. I was invited to go, but said no immediately! This is because I have hated particiapting in sports, but especially volleyball, since I was very little. I am not really sure what the source of my phobia is, but the thought of just standing there waiting for the ball to fall from the sky on top of me has never appealed to me. I have horrible hand-eye coordination, and I just do not enjoy playing it. My memory of volleyball was in elementary school. I am not sure which grade I was in, but I remember that it was pretty enough outside to set the net up on the playground, which for some reason made me even more uneasy. I literally wanted to get away from the situation so desperately that I told my very scary gym teacher that I had to go to the bathroom. I stayed there all period. Literally. Now, keep in mind that the only thing more terrifying to me than playing an organized sport was being gone to the bathroom so long that my classmates think I am going number 2. At that age I was also terrified of any type of punishment or disappointing my teachers in any way, so it must have been pretty bad for me to basically skip class in order to get out of it. I am thankful that I am a confident person today, but I still carry the fear of volleyball with me. Maybe I still carry the bathroom fear with me a little, too:)

J. Crew pics

Because I had to do it, I am posting pics of me in the outfit I discuss in the last post. It is proof that I am not making up the whole thing, and that I was at one time stick-ish enough to wear that outfit. The girl with me in both pics is my friend Tami, who I am still friends with to this day, and my mom is the other person in the Starbucks shot. I have to say that she DOES NOT look like that anymore. She would kill me if she knew I was posting a pic of her like that because she has completely changed since then. She looks amazing now!! Enjoy!


Do you not see the shoes! AHHHH!!


I love that I have my first ever trip to Starbucks documented. This pic is definitly a look into my future loves: coffee and clothes!

J. Crew

As I signed for my new pair of J. Crew chinos yesterday I realized that I have had a love affair with J. Crew clothes for a long long time. One of my absolute favorite outfits of all time was an outfit from J. Crew. Unfortunately the hands of time have not been kind enough to my butt and hips to allow me to still fit into it, but I still love it none the less. I first found out about J. Crew the summer in between 8th and 9th grade. I just graduated from college and am still buying their stuff, so that tells you how long it has been. In the 9th grade I had an amazing opportunity to go to New York City with my choir class, and I bought this outfit specifically for all the trendy sight-seeing I would be doing. It was a khaki mini skirt with a drawstring and a red cotton tank top with a yellow screen-printed cricket with "J. Crew" underneath it. I know it sounds silly, but I as thin as a stick and it looked really cute on me! I wore that skirt until it basically fell apart, and to this day I will not give either of them away. I remember that I wore those big Doc Marten sandals with that outfit because that was what was so very cool at the time, but in the pictures they make it look like I have Ronald McDonald feet! I kinda do anyway, so the shoes did NOT help. I was wearing that outfit the first time I ever went to Starbucks, Central Park, and Rockefeller Center. That was just such a fun time in my life, and when I think about it I always see myself in that outfit. I also bought my very first "real" swimsuit from J. Crew. It was a dark blue bikini with a little bow in the center of the top. I could never ever wear it now simply because I no longer have the chest of a 12-year-old boy, but again, I have never been able to give it away. Well, that is just a sample of my love affair with J. Crew. Thankfully the clothes have matured with me, but I think it speaks to my sense of self that I was shopping via catalog at a "grown-up" store at age 13. I am wearing my new pair of J. Crew favorite-fit chinos that I got yesterday as I type, and they are wonderful and soft and long enough for me, so keepers all around. www.jcrew.com


A sample of what I am wearing right now:)

Sad Day

In my senior year of high school I had to take half a semester of gym. Fortunately for me (NEITHER of us felt fortunate) my friend Susan (same as from last post) had to do the same thing. Our relationship had been through some tough stuff between ninth grade and then, but thankfully by the time we had to be the the only two seniors in a gym class together, much less the only people each other knew, we were pretty much over it. I don't know if any of you remember these, but at my high school we had that assembly once a year where certain people are chosen to die in drug or alcohol-related accidents, which are re-enacted out on the road in front of the school. There is lots of fake blood, real ambulances, and the people who are chosen to die cannot talk to anyone they know or love for like three days. At the end of the thing there is a school assembly where there are funerals and the parents read eulogies, and other horrible things like that. Up until then I did not know anyone involved, so I never cared about the stupid assemblies. I think it was because only seniors participated, but I am not sure. Anyway, that particular event happened while Susan and I were in gym class together, and it just so happened that one of my best friends Stephanie, and one of mine and Susan's mutual friends Andrew, were two of the victims. Stephanie's mom, who was like a second mom to me, got up and read a note that Steph had written, supposedly before she died. It was one of the most horrible things I have ever had to sit through. I was totally unprepared for it. Susan was doing OK because she was not that close to Stephanie, but then something even worse happened. A casket, supposedly carrying Andrew came out, decked out with military regalia and American flags, and they played Taps (Andrew goes to Westpoint). Basically, Susan and I lost it. Looking back I feel that the school has a sick, sick mind. It was horrific, and I have very rarely cried that hard, especially with the whole school in the room with me. Susan and I bonded that day I think, and it is thanks to her that I was able to get through that horrible assembly, and senior gym class.

Cinderella

I am going to try and post a memory everyday, and in no particular chronological order. To begin this blog, I am going to start with one of my many typical high school memories.

In the ninth grade I had a ridiculously huge crush on a boy named Matt. Matt was friends with my best friend Susan, and sat behind me in our Humanities class. I used to borrow Matt's Abercrombie and Fitch jacket all the time, and he borrowed and kept about one hundred of my pens. Two sub-memories I have of Matt: In Humanities we had to create a country with a flag and map and everything, and at the end of the assignment all the countries had to fight each other. As the leader of my country, I let Matt's country borrow money, because I was an idiot and thought that would make him like me. He, in turn, left me high and dry when I needed him to pay me back. Second was Matt's birthday. He specifically asked for the newest Fatboy Slim CD. I acted like I knew exactly what he was talking about, even though I had not idea what a Fatboy Slim was. I was afraid it was like this huge rapper who thought it would be ironic to insert "Slim" in his rap name. I had never bought a rap album! When I got to Wal-Mart I looked for the CD for about an hour, and was never able to get up the courage to ask the salesperson if they had it, so I bought Matt a pack of pens and a card that vaugely said "I Love You." But the point of the story is my favorite memory of Matt. At the time of Freshman Homecoming Matt was dating my friend Katrina. I desperatley wanted him to ask me to Homecoming, but I knew it would bever happen. Because he felt guilty about blowing me off, he got his friend Chris to ask me. Chris was nice, and I figured I would have a good time. Susan and I were very excited, and I got a dress that is now ranked as one of my all-time favs. It was completely fitted, velvet, spaghetti strap, and had a fur trim around the top. My hair was done in a classic formal up-do, and I had ordered these really cute shoes to go with my dress. Chris was about a foot shorter than me, so pictures were akward from the beginning. In the car on the way to the school his dad asked me a few questions, to which I responded with a college-level vocab, and his dad just shut up after that, I felt oh so out of place, and we weren't even at the dance yet! At the dance Chris basically ditched me, and Matt ignored me. Then, about halfway through the night, the heel of one of my cute shoes completely broke off!!! I hated Matt for it, even though it was not his fault at all. Chris and Matt and Katrina all left together to go get fried chicken at ten o'clock at night, and I had to call my mom to come get me. It was horrendous, and I can never, ever, forget.

This is the actual me on that night. LOVE the dress:)

Intro to Life Before Blogging

I am thankful for leading such a charmed life, which has culminated in my dream job and the ability to spend all my free time doing what I love. This usually includes knitting, blogging, watching TV, and being with David and DJ (my husband and dog, respectively). I love to recall moments of my past and ask my mom how accurate they are, just as a fun game. What prompted this blog is the fact that I am not in school anymore, which in some way makes me feel like I am now detached from my childhood. I hate that feeling, but at the same time love it. As a person more than ever dependent on computers for my information and happiness, I wanted a place to remember the good times, before blogging and the internet were so important, but still integrating my new-found time consumer. That is this blog! I have another blog that chronicles my current situation, which I have kept for almost three years. I hope you enjoy reading my memories for the first time as much as I will enjoy trying to remember them in enough detail to write them down.

On a side note, the picture of me on the top of the page is of me in full 1980s regalia. I am holding a Teddy Ruxpin, which is SO 80s, and have my little red piano that did not require a power cord, and my little primary color suspenders. That picture pretty much says it all about the way I see myself on the inside, in case it wasn't obvious:)